The Tears Of St Augustine And The Mystery Of Grace

Introduction

In the Confessions, there are several accounts of Saint Augustine giving way to tears. One of such moments is recorded in Book VIII, Chapter 12, while in the garden of his friend’s house in Milan. After long struggles with “old attachments” that kept him from embracing the life of continence, Augustine gave way to tears, expressing his great remorse for the sinfulness to which he was captive. In tears, he repeated: “How long shall I go on saying ‘tomorrow, tomorrow’? Why not now? Why not make an end to my ugly sins at this moment?”

Another scene where Augustine shed tears is in Book IX, Chapters 8-13 of the Confessions while remembering his mother Saint Monica. Thinking about her, he burst into tears. He shed tears believing that Christian love does not preclude tears of grief as God accepts such sorrows with compassion. Apart from these two moments, one can also trace other moments when Saint Augustine shed tears. However, every moment comes with its peculiar significance.

Augustine’s Tears Misunderstood

In 391, when Saint Augustine was called forth for ordination to the priesthood, he not only shed tears but he wept. His tears were misinterpreted by those who were present with him. According to Possidius, some attributed his tears to a wounded pride, thinking that Augustine was expecting something higher and so broke into tears when something short of his expectation was mentioned. The insinuation was that he was expecting the episcopacy and not the priesthood. But how could have Augustine broken into tears when he knew as others do that the priesthood was a step towards the episcopacy? Thus, if he was ambitious to be a Bishop, he would have been excited that he has taken the first major step towards his ambition. This account of his tears at his call to the priesthood, therefore, is not convincing. What then was the cause of his tears?

Another reason which has been provided for the tears of Saint Augustine was that he was so connected to the brotherhood in the monastery or the pure monastic life that taking up such an office will affect his relationship with his monastic family. But even this argument can be contested. The reason is that, even though Saint Augustine was committed to the monastic life, it was not done egoistically, in such a manner that it became more about himself than it was about the will of the Interior Master. This argument is, therefore, not sufficient.

More so, in his sermon on the Transfiguration, St Augustine chastises Simon Peter for intending to remain on the mountain rather than go down the mountain to the valley: 

“Go down Peter. Go down to work on the earth, to serve on the earth, and on the earth to be delivered to scorn and to the cross. Do not look to your own interests; have charity, proclaim truth. Thus you will reach the eternity where you will find freedom from care and tranquillity.” (Serm. 78)

At the transfiguration, Simon Peter the Apostle asked the Lord Jesus that they may build three tents, and remain on top of the mountain. In the above words, Augustine disagrees with Saint Peter, asking him to leave the comfort of the mountain and go down to the valley. In the case of Augustine, leaving the monastic life or routine was like going down the Mount of Tabor, and if he speaks to Saint Peter in these words, then it would not have been a problem serving in the priesthood. This is not to say that Augustine made no sacrifice leaving the monastic life. He made a huge sacrifice but in love for the will of the Interior Master. Leaving the monastic community, therefore, cannot be considered the cause of his tears. What then could have been the cause of his tears?

Some have argued that Saint Augustine went down in tears because of the responsibilities that would go with the priesthood or the many dangers that the government and administration of the church would bring to his life. Even this argument is not rich in points. The reason is that the time of Saint Augustine, especially, the 4th century was when Constantine, the Christian emperor emerged, with so many glories surrounding the priesthood. There was nothing more glorifying and with further opportunities than the priesthood at the time. Thus one would expect that anyone called to the priesthood would take it up with great happiness, and yet Augustine wept- but Augustine was not interested in building for himself an ecclesiastical career. What then could have been the cause of his tears?

Why Saint Augustine went down in Tears

Saint Augustine wept because he did not see himself as worthy of such a commitment and responsibility. He saw himself as being entrusted with a ship that was too overwhelming for him to handle. He was more concerned about the dangers of not meeting up with the responsibilities of the office than he was concerned with the glory of the office of the priesthood. These same reasons were at the base of his refusal to go to towns where the episcopal seats were vacant.

Augustine had thought that he was not prepared for the ministry of the word and sacraments. Thus, he devoted himself to the reading of the Scripture where he believed the healing remedies for all human ailments could be found. This made Augustine set out by seeking, asking, knocking, praying, reading and shedding tears.

He knew about the difficulties that go with the priesthood. In fact, in his letters to Aurelius, Bishop of Carthage and Eudoxius and the Lay Monks on the Island of Capraria, Augustine referred to the ministry of the priesthood as a dangerous ministry (Letter XXII; Letter XLVIII). In his letter to the Lay Monks on the Island of Capraria, while he encouraged them not to set their monastic pleasure above the needs of the Church- that is the call to the priesthood and the episcopacy, he warned them not to take up the office of the priesthood with impatient arrogance but with kindness and humility. He referred to laziness and proud arrogance as the greatest enemies of the priesthood.

The value of the tears of Saint Augustine

The tears of Saint Augustine point to a moment of recognition of his human limitation, ineptitude and powerlessness in the face of a divine office or responsibility. This recognition becomes a basis for the search for a different source of strength and grace for the fulfillment of the responsibilities of such an office. It was this sense of recognition that made Saint Augustine lift his gaze to God and discover the mystery of grace, which alone has the power to change the hardest of hearts and heal the most festering of wounds. Tears are the beginning of the road to holiness and grace.

The tears of Saint Augustine communicate to God an inexpressible groaning of the soul’s deepest yearnings for help. Augustine Marogi describes the tears of Saint Augustine as a groaning that is mysterious and difficult to put into words. However, he adds that it is a kind of groaning that the Father hears from afar. He catches “sight” of them while they are “still a long way off” and sends the Holy Spirit, who “comes to the aid of our weakness” by translating them into a prayer consisting of “inexpressible groanings” which communicate to the Father our deep-seated feelings (Luke 15:20, Rom. 8:26). The visible sign of this communication is torrential tears.

Here we learn that the tears of Saint Augustine are for our leadership. The reasons for his tears are still very real and with us. To lose sight of them, one would only be riding on the high horse of clericalism without noticing that which is vanishing in smoke and sparks.